She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
