dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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