I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
