did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
