So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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