Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
