I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
