I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
