how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
