And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
