she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Randomize
