I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
