My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Randomize
