So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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