I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
