he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he fucked my hip out of place.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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