no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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