Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
