so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
