Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I think people are normalizing furries
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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