Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize