I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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