I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
