her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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