you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
