By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Randomize
