Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
