If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
