Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
