The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
