he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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