I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
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It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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