I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
this hospital has no fireball
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
