OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
