I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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