I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
where am i from again
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
