so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
