i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
