I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
