Can i not drive my cunt home
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
