Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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