You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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