I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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