Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
