i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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