Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
