this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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