i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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