hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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