So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
