If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
