If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
