two words: eviction party
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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