my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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