By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
