operation harelip BJ is a go
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
