we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Randomize
