Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
