you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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