I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
