dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
