He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
