i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
