So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
