how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
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