I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
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According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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