Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
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