So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
