You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
