dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Oh god it's open bar.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
