party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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