I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
